Girls are Cool

Girls are Cool…Here’s My Fortieth Reason Why

This week’s Girls are Cool stems from a study which showed that, in a polling of thousands of adults in their belief of the “paranormal” and “phenomena,” 36% men believed in UFOs while a much lesser 17% of women answered positively to the same question. 17% is a good number. 36%, however, suggests possible intelligence issues.

Another study takes another angle asking both men and women have they ever witnessed a UFO by which 19% of men respondents said they had witnessed a UFO whilst only 16% of women said they had. Now, we know these are studies independent to themselves–conducted at different times polling separate groups of men and women, but they’re somewhat in agreement with each other. If we merged the two studies, this would suggest that if 19% of men have witnessed a UFO but 36% believe in them, then there is a whopping 17% of men who have not witnessed anything to prove they exist but simply believe they do without any evidence. Likewise, if 16% of women say they have witnessed a UFO and 17% say they believe in them, the number of women who believe without any empirical evidence of existence is represented by a small 1% sliver of the pie.

Edge: women.

In fact, in the original study, it also revealed that men were overwhelmingly higher percentages in the belief of, also, bigfoot/sasquatch. Why the difference in beliefs between the two genders?

One writer suggested that it’s possible that, for men, belief comes from their conquest to capture. They’re more likely to believe in things that can be killed, stuffed and hung on the wall. If a bullet, spear or arrow can pierce the skin and it can bleed to death, men will find it believable. Stop for a second and look at that sasquatch. That, my friend, is freaking terrifying.

That’s why men that were polled showed less a belief in “ghosts” and “spirits.” Women are more spiritual in their beliefs. They believed more in “spirits” and “angels” while men who were polled came in much lower on the same question. Even still, the percentage was healthily low (sub-20%). Women have to see it to believe it. They have to have evidence. Proof. A story that verifies it’s existence. I, myself, believe in spirits. That, again, proves that I’ve got a dominant feminine side to me. But I also have, what I believe to be, evidence of their existence. Long story. Men are out hunting aliens, staking out places to trap Bigfoot in a bear trap. They’re swimming Loch Ness waiting to be taken on a ride by some brontosaurus they believe to be living for centuries under the water’s surface. They’re customizing cars to look like aliens. Seriously, how many women would you expect to drive this toolmobile?

Go to any Star Trek convention. Might as well be called “Lonely Men Convention.” Princess Leah is a goddess. War of the Worlds could seriously happen tomorrow. Men are in the freaking clouds. 36% believe in UFOs and more than 17% of those 36% say they believe without ever witnessing a, so-called, UFO? Guys, you watch too many movies. Time to find a hobby. Get out of the house. Stop stockpiling canned food in your basement waiting for the arrival of third kind. As a man, I must say I’m slightly embarrassed at the gullibility of my fellow men. From men who dress as storm troopers to toothless backwoods white trash who run a sasquatch museum/gas station off a Oklahoman highway, it’s time to grow up and realize that we don’t need you to hunt and kill everything. In fact, if bigfoot ever existed, he was probably poached by some dimwitted moron with an elephant gun and then his corpse was picked apart by varmint and vultures. And, if UFOs existed, given the fact that so many men believe in them, they’d probably head to other planets or solar systems looking for more intelligent life. Nessy never existed. This man has dedicated five years of his life to making a model of her either to prove that the photo was touched or fabricated or that he too is a total tool that would spend years of his life trying to prove or disprove her existence. Pull her mammoth lifeless body from the waters onto shore and I might believe you.

Girls are cool because they’re not waiting on ET to come down and take them on an interplanetary voyage of the solar system. Next time you’re watching (if you do) one of these UFO or phenomena shows on cable, count the women you see participating. I challenge you to find more than one. Even if they do exist, fellas, the fact that they exist and no one has ever caught one just proves that you’re all lousy hunters. After decades, damn-near centuries, and the fact that with all the weapons, technology and sheer time, if you haven’t found a body yet, you just suck at hunting. Girls are cool.

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