Girls are Cool

Girls are Cool…Here’s My Thirty-Fifth Reason Why

When my lovely wife splits the air with this statement, “You know why girls are cool?” Listen up.

We were talking the other evening after watching an episode of “Supernanny” (which is where we go for authoritative information on parenting, f’real), about how boys and girls treat their own excrement, waste or the act of wasting differently. In this episode, there’s a pack of boys pulling each other around the house in some sort of Radio Flyer wagon/cart/buggy when one child in the back exclaims, “Gross! It’s wet!” He hops up from the back of the wagon to reveal a thin pool of fluid at the bottom of the wagon swashing around. Another boy yells, “It’s pee! It’s pee!” Then, two or three of the boys take turns sticking their head down close to the bottom of the wagon to smell it and confirm its contents.

Girls are cool because they reach the age much quicker where they know not to talk about, not to play with it, not to use it as a weapon in warfare, not to do it in public, not to make crude of already crude business.

Maybe it’s partly design. The penis allows for pretty quick execution of the “leak” where you can start, end and walk away within seconds and no one would ever know. This turns into an entitlement to pee however with many boys. You feel like because you can, you should. At a friend’s birthday party for their two year-old, the backyard had become a whirlwind of screaming kids all wound up on sugar. One of the boys drops trou right in the middle of the yard and starts to take a piss much to the horror of all of the party’s attendees. You’d think there was a shark in the water. Party shuts down. Everyone goes home. Because some boy didn’t know that the backyard wasn’t a toilet.

It’s something that you traditionally don’t have to worry about with girls. They’re not fascinated by the act of pooping and peeing. They excuse themselves, find an appropriate place to hit it, do work and come back without so much of a peep. When it comes to doing the doo, boys might excuse themselves because it becomes a lot dicier to pull it off in public. But when they get back, they might still tell you about it. The size, the width, the length, the color, consistency. While it makes for good comedy for adults, it’s something you would think you wouldn’t have to teach your kid about. Make them ashamed of their poo so that they don’t come back to the party telling everyone about how they crapped an arm. I’ve even heard grown men talk about their bathroom work. Don’t have a problem saying that I’ve done it myself.

Kid pees in an alleyway. Boy or girl? You guessed it…boy. Kid craps in the deep end at the public pool, boy or girl? Yep, boy. Kid stops off a ski slope to relieve himself, boy or girl? Boy. Person gets picked up in the bar district for public urination, man or woman? Usually man. That’s or your a man with a real special date. Not sure she’s a keeper if she pees in public. Boys are wired different. They can’t control those impulses. Girls recognize what’s off record. And they recognize it early. I say that as I watch Ellison clearly filling her diaper by evidence of her poo face and moaning sounds. That’s my sweet little girl. A lot different when a six year old’s doing it than when a six month old baby’s snapping one off.

Girls are cool because what happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom. Although, it doesn’t help me understand why girls go to the bathroom together.


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