Girls are Cool

Girls are Cool…Here’s My Thirty-Fourth Reason Why

One of our earliest Girls are Cool dealt with their male counterparts’ propensity to thrust themselves into the action when it’s clearly not about them. I’m speaking specifically of “streaking” where in the name of both exhibitionism and pure uncut stupidity (and often drunkenness), usually men will drop trou (and leave trou) and then dash through a sports field, competitive plane or court until they’re tackled and arrested to the moans and groans of the thousands of spectators there. No one thinks it’s cool until they’re whooped by security. Still, however, men are still streaking. The closest that women ever really got to this was the “Kissing Bandit”…a large chested but otherwise harmless woman would run out onto the playing field and place a harmless (and usually welcomed) kiss upon the cheek of a baseball player and then dash off…they’d always lead in arrests, but they’d be the kind of arrest where they’d show up at your front door and say, “Ma’am, we need you to come down to the station for some questioning.” Not the kinda arrest where they tackle you, punch you in the gut, drive a taser into your forehead and scream, “I’m gonna kill you if you don’t stop resisting!”

Here’s Morganna (terrible name) kissing up on George Brett. Georgie Poo likes it.

I was thinking this week while watching Dan Patrick about the somewhat related phenomenon about “rushing the court” whereas when your college basketball team wins a big game over a rival or over a top-ranked team, you rush the court. Usually guys with a smattering of girls. They spoke of specific instances and asked whether or not they were “courtrushable” circumstances. I know I always wanted to do it. It’s not illegal. It’s usually a well-policed and safe exhibit of fanfare. That is until Tech fans tear down the goal posts and march them out of the freaking stadium, up University Avenue, turn the corner at Broadway (nearly a half-mile from the stadium) and keep marching the dismembered goal posts into downtown Lubbock. That would be illegal. Destruction of property. Criminal mischief maybe. If nothing else, it’s pretty stupid. I would note, though, it was fun to see when it happened. Pretty stupid in hindsight.

It brought me to this morning. Sometimes our Girls are Cool column for the week deals more with how Boys are Just Dumb. This would probably be one of those weeks. It’s the “Girls are Cool because They’re Not Boys” column. Thank God.

Girls are cool this week because, like being less likely to streak, rush the court or pull down goal posts and actually steal them from the stadium all in the spirit of victory, they’re also less likely to jump into a wrestling ring on national/worldwide television only to catch a bad one from a mongoloid that’s four or five times their size. Let’s go to the tape, Al. Ooh, boy, I got some treats for you this morning.

Or get choked out by a referee. Really? They call them referees? What are they refereeing?

Macho Man again attacked here. I love how the announcers spin it into a promo for the program. It’s just the “madness of Monday Night Nitro.” Nah, it’s what happens when half-witted dropouts from the trailer park at Lake Wal-Mart drink too many Natty Lights. But we’ll let you call it the “madness of Nitro” for the purposes of this footage.

Here a man takes a super-FAIL attempt at whooping on Eric Bischoff. Love how he just moves out of the way, runs his fingers through his hair like nothing happened and then does a roundhouse into another dude’s chest.

Or how about this kiddo who apparently drink himself into a complete and total idiot phase and quickly realizes when he’s on the top rope, that he’s made a bad decision. This could’ve been disastrous. Lucky he only got out with an arrest. Better than having your face rearranged by two Herculean freaks.

Check out this gem. Chris Jericho never disappoints. Not a physical beatdown, but definitely a quick-witted vocal whooping.

This guy gets into the action too.

Where were the girls in those videos? Yeah, you’re right. There are none. No one even near any of that idiot crap. Girls stay so freaking far away from WWE, you’d think it was a disease. They only way you’ll find a girl watching wrestling (or rattling) is if she’s dating some moron who dresses up in his underwear and poses in the mirror like he’s Diamond Dallas Page doing self-high fives. A nationally-televised wrestling event is like an ashtray of broken dreams and lost hope. Some people visit (like I have in the past…I got in the ring, but as an intern at a radio station…great story), but other people live there. Like this poor soul who is reduced to tears in a public forum. Now, you’ll notice one woman in this video. Sitting right in front of the man. Probably the mother of a boy in the audience. Watch her break out a smile when he unravels. Great footage right here.

Girls are cool because they know wrestling is fake. Because they know that wrestlers are big. Because they know that they fake-hit and fake-kick each other, but they real-hit fans.

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