Return of the Product

Return of the Product: That Freaking Teething Giraffe

As you enter teething time, (great…just as we were getting out of the endless tears and fits, get ready for when her incisors start to split her gums like a blade cutting through flesh slowly as her teeth begin to sink out of her skull…sounds fun), it’s time to find a product to counter the pain and to keep your baby’s mind off of the excruciating pain that’s surfacing just under the skin in their mouth. You want a good idea of what you’re in for? Just Google-image search the word “teething” and check out the images: screaming, crying and tearful babies with their hands in their mouth. Perhaps this rendering describes it all. Gotta give it to the instructional books…they’ve gotta way with images and words. This one cuts right to the chase:

Babies endure some tremendous transformations. Imagine every part of your body going through this incredible stretching, pulling, pushing, bending and, now, teeth pushing through your gums. Yeah, this is the stuff that torture films are made of. Makes me a little queasy just thinking about it. Not queasy in the diaper-full-of-diarreah sense…queasy in the fingernails being pried off with a pair of pliers. Yeah, bad stuff. And now, everyone in the room gets shivers up the spine.

If you find yourself looking at the Great Wall of Teething Toys at Babies R Us, you’ll discover a paralyzing loneliness and solitude only matched by farting audibly between movements of Don Quixote Suite by Telemann during regional orchestra contest. Awkward isolation. Let me dissolve all those silly toys down to one superior product that has sold (reportedly) over 30 million times at retail. That’s Sophie the Giraffe from Vulli. Here’s what Sophie looks like. Accept no imitations.

Now, Sophie costs a mighty healthy $18. That’s a lot for a rubber chicken, but I can attest to it’s remarkable hypnotic qualities. The second we handed her over to Ellison Jayne, girl went right to work. She started working on the head. Fifteen minutes later, Sophie’s still buried deep in Ellison’s mouth. An instant friendship has fired up.

So what makes Sophie the Giraffe so appealing to a teething tot? Well, says Sophie’s maker’s website, Monsieur Rampeau used sap from a hevea tree to mold a rubber toy giraffe. Word of mouth helped proclaim the greatness of the giraffe and, now, some fifty years later, she remains unchanged and still made from the sap of hevea trees. Here’s the specs:

Yeah, $18 ain’t small coin when you’re feeding your baby formula priced like a street drug, you’ll beat yourself up over blowing it on a piece of rubber endorsed by Nicole Richie (check out the site). That’s not really the kinda power endorsement you’re looking for, but let me tell you, 30 million mothers can’t be wrong. Well, they can. There’s the Sears Baby Book. Wait, just confirmed that the Sears Baby Book has only sold half a mill. Half a mill mothers can be wrong. But 30 mill can’t. I’ve seen it happen with my perfect four eyes. Ellison loves her Sophie. She’s not crazy teething yet, but she’s ready. Five Black Elvises for Sophie the Giraffe.

Be careful if you have a dogs, though. The squeaker causes an instant gravitation between Sophie and canine. Tucker’s already made a run at it and lost miserably. Ellison wins because she’s got dada on her side.
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2 thoughts on “Return of the Product: That Freaking Teething Giraffe

  1. Adrianne says:

    Love your comment on Dr. Sears. His was one of the first websites I visited when colic started. It was not at all comforting, and reading his posit that prolonged crying can cause brain damage in infants did not help my anxiety levels.
    If you haven’t picked up Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child or Your Fussy Baby by Dr. Weissbluth, you should. That guy knows more about colic and post-colic infants and has done more scientific research than any other popular author out there.
    When my fussy baby starts teething, I’m going straight for Sophie. Sounds like she is well worth it!
    BTW, have you checked with your insurance company about the formula? You might be able to get it covered. Mine is on alimentum, and they will pay for it (I just need to do a load of paperwork…)

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