In today’s Girls are Cool, we honor those tireless and committed Girls Scouts who pound that pavement to make sure every last box of Girl Scout cookies are distributed. You don’t grind, you don’t shine. And Girl Scouts put in mad work this time of year. Their quotas are incredible, their work ethic is admirable and the results are a happily glutinous nation who forget about all the ills and brokenness of the world, even if for just those few minutes as they fill their tub with that remarkable and irresistible sugary flour and vegetable oil product until they pass out in a sugar-induced coma.
As I’ve been battling impulse and aching need for sugar for the entire month of January, I’ve determined that the first thing I’m gonna eat on February 1st is a sleeve of Thin Mints. No doubt. That’s be about 640 calories and nearly 100% of my saturated fat allowance for the day all in about fifteen minutes of damage. And I’d then make plans to burn it off with a run. Guiltless gluttony. Something about that fine Thin Mint cookie, its waxy exterior and luscious minty flavor. Coated in some sort of ganache. I love them so.
Comparatively, it sure beats the crap outta the Boy Scouts who shamefully are left with the very opposite of such sugary indulgence. Yep, the Boy Scouts were left to hawk flavorless and soulless popcorn. I remember well selling Trails End popcorn. It was terrible stuff. I particularly remember how butterless and saltless it was. It was like trying to swallow wadded pieces of paper. Talk about guiltless gluttony. You could probably eat an entire barrel of this crap and not gain but two pounds. It was likes some sort of terrible communistic popcorn. And popcorn ain’t even goodies. That’s like eating sunflower seeds for dessert. Cover it chocolate and maybe you could make a case for popcorn. Otherwise, it’s meant to be covered in butter and devoured in a movie theater in tubs twice the size of your head.
Girls are cool because they know how to sling the goodies. I came out of the church house the other day and this girl was hanging out of the back of an SUV screaming, “Do you need any Girl Scout cookies?” I can’t even get away from them in the house of worship. Technically, I guess, it was the parking lot. In time, little one. In fact, hit me up on Tuesday. Have a box of Thin Mints ready.