Snapshots

Three-Month Birthday

First, there was one month.

Then, there were two.

And now, three. This one’s a biggie. Most books, friends, family, pediatricians, advisors talk about the third month as when it all really starts. Up to this point, they’re like a water balloon (that’s always gotta leak) and you’re doing your very best to keep ’em safe from puncture, clean, dry and happy. They’re laughs and cries are really superficial. You did nothing wrong. You did nothing right. They just cry because they’re babies and they spent 9 months boiling in a nice embryonic fluid hot tub upside down like some sort of amphibian and then the hot tub basically drains to nothing and then they’re spit out into a cold operating room where bigger versions of them toss ’em around like hot potatoes making faces at them. You can imagine the whole experience is a little heady.

So, what did we learn about a three-month old Ellison Jayne. A few things.

1     She can wear jeans now and not always those body socks.

2     When she cries, she makes tears. This now makes crying fits especially excruciating. Before, it was like the smokeless ashtray or a dog whistle. Now, when she cries, she’s crying a river. Keep your Kleenex handy. For you her and for you.

3     Daycare sucks. Think there is some truth to the petri dish of bacteria allegations. It’s like taking your baby who has only known her crib for the first three months of her life and dropping her off at a bus station for eight hours a day. They mean good, but it’s impossible to be perfectly sanitized. Of course, it’s the only way to develop the immune system of steel like her father’s. Looking at some other options at this point while Ellison unleashes snot with every sneeze. She’ll be alright.

4     She can hold that head up and watch items with both eyes.

5     She can shake a maraca. While I’d like her to be a bassist, I’m calling drummer.

6     My lovely wife said that a baby’s first toy is their hands, but Ellison’s is obviously her feet. She’s got happy feet. Fellas, if you’re not careful, you’ll catch a bad one to the crotch America’s Funniest Home Video style. Be careful and wear that cup.

7     As seen in the photo above, she’s perfected the deer in the headlights look.

8     She loves Lisa Loeb’s children’s records. What in the world am I gonna do? It’s like there’s been a breach in security.

9     She can sleep seven hours at a time now. Pretty impressive. Problem is that she goes down around 8:30 so seven hours gets us to about 3:30 or so.

10   Colic seems to be retreating a bit, but still hard to tell. She can still go off like Michael Douglas in Falling Down.

We love our Ellison Jayne. She’s a beauty. Adjustment to daycare is a little rough. I’m naturally distrustful, but am working on it. I don’t mind dropping off, it’s just the wondering what in the world is going on throughout the day. My anxiety is a slow burn.

Ya’ll stay up.

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