Return of the Product

Return of the Product: The Baby Bjorn

The baby carrier for the man is often a pretty dicey proposition. If you’re anything like me, you envision yourself just doing the single arm below her butt and lifting her up on your shoulder leaving her available for over-shoulder display and making you look like a manly man who can carry that sack of flour with relative ease and without the use of any velcro, snaps, straps or zippers. Just your own might and gravity. But I’ll tell you from experience, if you’re a normal man, with average muscle mass, you will cramp and you will burn. On a recent thirty-minute tour of our office with Baby Ellison, my arm hurt for nearly a day and a half later from lugging her around the office. And she’s not even 20 pounds yet. Not only that, the constant movement and wiggling compromises the safety of the purist’s arm carry. You’re gonna need some assistance.

Wisely, my lovely wife knew this and insisted we put the Baby Bjorn baby carrier on our register. Not only is the original Baby Bjorn baby carrier is the market-leading baby transport devices and beats the hell outta duct tape.

Perhaps you remember seeing the Baby Bjorn modeled and demo’d in The Hangover. Here, with an older baby, illustrates the “face out” usage in which the baby’s back is put against the belly of the father and the baby faces the world. It’s for when the baby’s a little older and can properly support her back and neck.

Until then, you’re stuck wearing her facing you which is not a bad thing at all. It allows you to make direct eye contact, kiss her forehead and say things like, “Daddy just farted a little,” and “I like bananas and Afrika Bambaataa.” Her arms and legs fly out the side and, once in, she’ll find crying as not only futile, but ultimately impossible as her lungs are gently compacted taking the Celine Dion force out of her lungs, but leaving her enough for simple in-and-out breathing. Think of it as trying to scream when you’re laying on your belly. Once you extinguish the fuss, sleeping is imminent. So much so that I’ve named mine “Sandman.”

Couple of additional things to point out about the Baby Bjorn. Firstly, it takes a little practice to get “entrance” and “exit” down. Early on, it took me a few different hunched positions and about three minutes. Now it takes one arm and twenty seconds. You’ll find your method, but it’s a little tricky at first. Also, there’s a weight and/or height requirement. That’s eight pounds or 21 inches long. Until then, abstain from using the Baby Bjorn. It’ll do more harm than good.

Lightweight, easy to clean, good for knocking a baby out cold (softly), perfect for keeping your back in shape (safely), simple design and available in fashionable black (shown), the Baby Bjorn is a tad pricey at approximately $60 retail, but if you ask anyone who has tried a competitive baby carrier, they’ll tell you that the Baby Bjorn carrier is superior to anything in the marketplace. Raising Elle-approved with four outta five Black Elvises.

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