There’s a moment, a contemplative state that occurs, when you’re changing a diaper that’s been brimmed with bowel olé that can only be described as a brief period of time where time comes to a screaming halt, all sounds and retreat to silence and you’re staring deep into the brown eyes of your very worst fears..almost like meeting the grim reaper himself…the one that Blue Oyster Cult sang about. The wet ones, not so bad. The heavy (semi-)solid ones are ferocious. Explosive. Next thing you know, you’re dashing to the computer and Googling the words “age” “potty” and “train.”
Unfortunately for me, that’s still close to two years away before she’ll be able to use her sphincter effectively, but fortunately, because girls are cool, she’ll learn a lot faster than her boy counterparts. There’s a few key reasons why this is. Firstly, girls mature sooner. They know their bodies better and quicker than boys do. They also develop language at an advanced rate compared to their brothers so the concept of learning comes much quicker to the girls. Secondly, it’s pretty simple, girls have to learn one position and that’s sitting on their butts. Boys have to learn to do it standing up too and, as we’ve found out before in “girls are cool,” that can be a difficult lesson to learn. And embarrassing. For girls, it’s “sit” and it’s “push.” No aiming required.
The last reason why girls pick up on potty training quicker than boys is one that every boy can relate to, I’m sure. That’s the fear of flushing. The sound and the sight of the flush happening, watching their little Cheeto-sized turd round the bowl and then disappear can be an unsettling experience for some boys. The theory is that boys often fear that something else will be taken out with the trash, like their own unit…their penis. Like it might fall off their body and then disappear down the drain never to be recovered again. I had fears of the pool drain when I was a kid, but never the toilet flushing. And my fear of the pool drain was that I was going to get sucked to the bottom and held there from the suction of the drain leaving me for dead in the bottom of a pool. Not losing my tinkler. As far as fear of the toilet bowl, I was more afraid that I’d come face to face with a ghoulie with my panties at my ankles.
Girls are cool, though, because when it comes to the can, they’re darned quick learners. Word ’em up.