Girls are Cool

Girls are Cool…Here’s my Ninth Reason Why

It’s Friday folks. And it’s time for the ninth installment in “Girls are Cool.” Girls are cool because, unlike what Steven Spielberg would like you to believe in Jaws where the bloodbath seems to be just a host of lonely girls in the water, girls, as a whole, are less likely to catch a bad one from a shark. Let’s take this clip from Megalodon, for instance. In this clip, there’s eight people that die. And, in case you noticed, they’re all unfortunate men who, for whatever reason, met their untimely death at the hands of, er, or fins of the tyrant of the sea, Megalodon. Actually, take that back, six of them met their untimely death. Two of them, I would contend, died rather timely.

The first of which is a man that, in a complete abandonment of the “women and children first” rule, decides to rob a poor woman of her life jacket and, in a move of complete idiocy, decides that jumping off of the ship is a decent idea. Not only is his life jacket not adjusted to his size to ensure proper performance, but he’s jumping into the water with only that to protect. The reality about life jacket’s or PFD (personal floatation devices) is that they were once called “life savers” until it was determined that they didn’t “save” lives all the time. They were “preservers” which would help you save your own life, but would not be 100% responsible for doing so. It relies on the user to properly buckle it, tighten it, not jump into the water when a shark the size of a eighteen wheeler is doing circles around your sinking ship. If this guy didn’t die at that moment he jumped off (which, for him is probably the quickest and easiest way), it would’ve been only a matter of time. Because he’s a guy.

The other “timely” death is the man who thought he could escape on a jet ski. Look, men are always looking for ways to escape or problem-solve their way out of a unfortunate scenario. And, sometimes, in their lack of poise and rationalization, they find themselves essentially driving straight to their death. There’s four step that would’ve likely made this mis-step avoidable: step away, take a moment to breath, think about it, execute. I guarantee it if this man did the first three, he wouldn’t have hopped on that jet ski and rode off. The impulsivity of guys is undeniable and almost unconquerable. This man deserved to die, in that respect.

I can’t tell you much about the six in the raft except that, there’s still women on the main ship and there’s six guys hogging a raft. Again, if they were following protocol, that would’ve likely had six women in that raft and those men would’ve never perished. Because I’m not fully aware of the circumstances here, I’m not going to say that they deserved to die. Perhaps they were on the other side of the ship and didn’t realize that there were still women on board. I’m unsure. But I am sure they died.

According to the Florida Museum of Natural History, women are tremendously less likely to die in a shark attack. Pre-1990, 97.8% of the victims in unprovoked shark attacks were men and only 2.2% were women. Post-1990 as gender boundaries waiver, that pie has portioned differently, but it’s still overwhelmingly dominated by men making up 83.2% of unprovoked attacks while women comprise only 16.8%.

Girls are cool because they’re less likely to die in a shark attack.

We’re approximately five weeks away folks. I’m hoping on “on call” status from this point. The phone never leaves my pocket. It’s always on no matter what meeting, choir loft or witness stand I’m on. Be good. Go listen to some De La Soul.


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