Girls are Cool

Girls are Cool…Here’s My Eighth Reason Why

You didn’t think I was going to let you down. It’s Friday and that means that we’ll dedicate a few minutes here to recognize why, fellas, we’re being outdone by our sweet sisters. What? You didn’t hear?

Girls are cool, son.

Girls are cool because they absolutely kill at softball. More specifically, I want to focus on the softball pitcher. It’d be easy to take for granted the fast softball pitch. It sometimes looks a little underwhelming. No high leg kick, no falling off the mound, no staring down the runner. There’s no dramatics. It’s a rhythmic, fast, quick reload and redeliver. They move with the efficiency of an assembly line and the accuracy of a sharpshooter. And, not only are these girls incredibly strong, but they never tire or wear. They pitch almost every single game played. Baseball teams close to 15 pitchers. Teams have pitchers that come in and pitch to one left-handed batter and then they’re done for the night. Softball pitchers might pitch close to 50 of the season’s 60 games and might pitch every game in a tournament. Sure the games are seven innings long and any trainer will tell you that baseball’s overhand is much harder on your body than windmill underarm action, but nonetheless, the demands on your body of pitching with that frequency and that intensity is extraordinary.

Take the fact alone that windmill motion could deliver a ball 60 feet at 70 miles per hour. That’s commendable. Even more is the thought they could flatten a cicada to the wall from that distance. They got fastballs, screwballs, riseballs, curveballs. They can make them pitches do what they do. Just like the fellas.

Let’s take a closer look at the most dominant pitchers in history, Monica Abbott. During her career at Tennessee, not only did she rock the tightest cornrows Anglos had ever known (rivaling Timberlake’s 1999 campaign), but she murdered almost every batter she faced. In four years at Tennessee, she was 189-34. She pitched in 253 games starting 206 of those. She struck out 2440 batters and allowed 649 hits. Roll in her 213 walks and that’s a minuscule WHIP of .59 over her four year career. Her ERA over four years was .787. Say she pitched at that level for a 27-year career like Nolan Ryan. She would’ve put up well over 16,000 strikeouts in her career. She had a ratio of 1.68 strikeouts per inning. She pitched 25 no-hitters and six perfect games. Sure, you might say that domination was more attributed to inferior competition. You could say that. I mean, was she that good or was the other team just that bad. Either way, you gotta admit her accomplishes are freaking insane.

I’ve actually fantasized about Ellison growing up and pitching fast pitch. We’ll see. First we need to successfully get her into the living world.

Girls are cool because they don’t play.


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