Girls are Cool

Girls are Cool…Here’s My Sixth Reason

Let’s face it. Rappers are a little stinky. As we found with Ol’ Dirty, they can be straight up indignant. Now, hopefully I don’t have to throw my cred around. I got serious love for my emceeing brethren. But as I get older, I realize that there’s not anything that I would hate more than my own aspiring to be one. There’s a lot of trouble that comes with the rap game. There’s, firstly, the fact that your life expectancy is halved when you realize your dream of rap stardom. There’s the violence. There’s the entourage that’s constantly draining your bank account. There’s shady promoters that are constantly draining your bank account. There’s your bank account which is always in a perpetual state of drain. There’s all that grinding. There’s the challenge to maintain your hood status and withstanding the many threats to your ability to keep it real. There’s the horrible fashions. There’s radio which will play you out if you’re not careful. There’s the mixtape game that you’re always having to monitor. For kicks, I searched “hood status” on Google images and this eyesore was an early match.

Screw “street-legal.” Is this thing even “garage-legal”? This is the ridiculous which has become permanently attached to the rap culture. No one likes emcees anymore. KRS One’s getting lifetime achievement awards which is another way of saying you’re no longer relevant. What’s relevant now is cars, girls, weapons charges, autotune. General deviancy. Guys record more albums in jail than they do in the free world.

This is no culture for a proper woman. And because girls are smarter than boys, they typically avoid the profession altogether. Good thing. The unfortunate bi-product, however, is they normally subject themselves to barely-clothed groupie status. They’re the girls who appear in the videos dancing on the hoods of automobiles. No place for a girl and they know that.

There have been some successes of female rappers. There was Lauryn Hill (Ms. One-and-Done), MC Lyte (retired), Da Brat (reality television), Foxy Brown (hard time, now free), Lil Kim (hard time, now free), Rah Digga (actress), Yo-Yo (dope), Queen Latifah (actress) and Monie Love (retired). You also got the Lady of Rage and her afro-puffs. Girl was rowdy and good enough for the getdown. Lasted one record on Death Row.

Girls got smarter as the game got gullier. They realized there’s no longevity in this rap game and they started becoming fewer and fewer. One site boasts a list of female rappers that includes Ashanti, Nelly Furtado and Meshell Ndegeocello. There’ll never be a rapper with the last name “Ndegeocello.” And even with those obvious non-rappers, that list was only about 40 lines long.

Girls are cool because even a more extensive list of female rappers will still reveal that less than 3% of all rappers that make it are, in fact, females. Of aspiring rappers, the percentage is even less. There’s a Slim Shady or Slim Thug on almost every block. Don’t believe me? Look for the kid who meanmugs every passing car, mows the lawn in a ribbed tank top and lace-less Fubu shelltoes and uses rap hands to talk to his girlfriend. But girls want none of it.

White girls even less which bodes well for the Wyrick fam. I can name only a handful of single white female rappers and only two with notable releases. None of them, however, are still rapping.

Girls are cool because they want nothing to do with the rap game. Good for them. They’re better than that anyway.

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