Return of the Product

Return of the Product: The Snoogle

From what I gather of pregnancy, now close to six months into this gig, the hips are an impact zone. I’ve always heard the phrase “birthing hips” in reference to a woman who had naturally wide hips or Andy Pettitte. There’s a slight misnomer in that looking at a frame that includes naturally wide hips would make a woman better for birth. The hip pain is more attributed to a softening of the ligaments with the release of hormones during pregnancy. That softening, in time, will make it easier to deliver a watermelon but, until then, results in oftentimes aches and pains that are, well, mad significant.

My lovely wife has been complaining about hip pain, back pain and sciatica from about three months ago onward. The pain is so incredible that sleeping has been difficult. The complication with sleeping is that you’re told to not sleep on your back because it results in poor blood flow (we later found out from Dr. Miles Davis that it’s only most important to not sleep on your back from the 32nd week on–geez, that’s like the last month) And, I guess we can kinda rule out rule out sleeping on your belly. So that leaves only two other options.

Sleeping on your right side. Or sleeping on your left side.

We tried putting the mothership on an air mattress which worked for a bit. While, on our nice expensive mattress, her impact zones are exaggerated, on the air mattress, her impact zones are dispersed over this soft plain of air and there’s relatively no hip pains. This was a fantastic finding for her. Not so great for me. That meant that I’m now alone in bed on most nights. Yeah, shaddup. It gets lonely.

In my loneliness, I’ve found refuge in a body pillow that I’ve started calling “Stacey.” I started with many names (one of which was “Vicki” and my lovely wife told me that it sounded too old). “Stacey” seemed much younger. And, yes, it‘s “e-y.”

Last night, my lovely wife went out seeking a “Snoogle.” The Snoogle is, well, I’m not going to build this up bigger than what it is. It’s a pillow. That’s all it is. But what it achieves that Stacey doesn’t is it will actually hug your lovely pregnant wife in a way that you cannot. It spoons her, provides her with a pillow and a tail. It’s about six feet of pillow overall.

When I walked in from a run last night, my lovely wife is wrapped up under the covers with this Snoogle thing. It looked like either she was being taken by a boa constrictor or she was growing a tail and turning into a tauntaun (it’s a snow kangaroo).

The packaging describes about six or seven different positions you an take with the Snoogle. There’s the Nest Rest, the Swirl, the Swirl Around, the Donut Deluxe, the 2-Soothe and the Double Up. But really, there’s only two. The others are just where you fold the pillow up and sit on it or put your head on it. There’s the “back-to-back” where the Snoogle basically spoons your lovely wife in your place. It’s not really practical for your relationship, but it seems to be working for this woman. She’s sound asleep. And smiling. Good for her. But the husband just got col’ replaced.

Then, there’s the second primary position and that’s the “Belly Basic” That’s where she’s basically riding it like Falcore from The Neverending Story. And if it’s any indication from the picture, the ladies like this position much more. She ain’t even sleeping. I don’t have a position with Stacey that brings me such delight I can’t sleep. Wonder if she’s named her pillow.

Looks like Leachco, Inc has struck gold. They’re hocking these things at $50 a piece, but ask my lovely wife and she’ll probably tell you it’s worth it. From a husband’s perspective, it’s a little bittersweet. Glad to have her back in the bed and sleeping soundly, but I couldn’t even reach her last night because this colossal anaconda kept getting in the way. Luckily, our relationship’s strong enough that I can endure for a few more months. If you’re relationship is on the fence, though, be careful. She might leave your for a C-shaped pillow. It would appear that there are valid therapeutic benefits to owning one of these puppies.

Overall, after one night with this puppy, we’ll award it three and a half Black Elvises out of a possible five. If my lovely wife names it, I’m taking one Black Elvis back.

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